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Monday, August 22, 2011

Best Joey Tribbiani Quotes

Joey Tribbiani is a character on the TV show "Friends" played by Matt LeBlanc. These are some of his best and most memorable quotes:

1) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?

2) Pheebs! There you are! Okay, you broke my fridge; you owe me 400 bucks!

3) Oh mommie, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)

4) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!

5) Dammit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.

6) Ahhh, I didn't get the job.

7) Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.

8) Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

9) Anybody want a croan.

10) Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.

11) Easy there Captain Kirk.

12) Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club.

13) Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again?

14) He's back! The peeper's back!

15) Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.

16) Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!

17) I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.

18) I didn't tell him. I didn't know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people.

19) I don't know. Just uh, just tell 'em it was a mix-up with the invitations, or-No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I don't think you can blame it on them, so… (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)

20) I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard.

21) I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.

22) I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.

23) I'm gonna take that book and beat you to death with it.

24) It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.

25) It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!

26) It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go... No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I'm gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)

 27) It's not what you said. It's the way you said it….Oh My God, I'm a women!!!
 28) Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now, he's still in his sweat pants, that's still Phase One. Y'know? I'll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.

29) Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!

30) Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.

31) Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.

32) Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.

33) No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.

34) No, I'm performing the ceremony. I'm not wearing a tux.

35) No, inside good, outside bad.

36) Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?

37) Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.

38) Oh, 'cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, there's your admirer.

39) Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.

40) Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!

41) Or maybe, it's because you're hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.

42) Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?

43) Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?

44) Ross, you're mayor of the zone.

45) Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.

46) Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.

47) She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.

48) She's right y'know.

49) So, you just left? Her place was really that bad?

50) Some girl ate Monica.

51) Spock's birth control.

52) Strip joint!

53) That's not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!

54) That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but dammit! We can eat!

55) The question should be Rach, what is not so great about The Shining. Okay?

56) Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too.

57) Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it's a couple weeks past it's expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.

58) Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.

59) Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.

60) Well, why do you call him Gandolf?

61) What are you talking about? Bitch.

62) What did they do?

63) What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?

64) What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.

65) What? I…I just figured since you're pregnant you're not gonna be seeing people.

66) Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.

67) Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?

68) Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.

69) Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.

70) You are so the man! Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.

71) You could drink the fat.

72) You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?

73) You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.

74) OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.

75) Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

76) Im not insensitive,
I just don't care.

77) OK, my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York City Public Library.

78) [Joey speaking french] blah blu bla pla fle floof

79) [Joey talking about getting Emma]

uhhh who has to die for me to get her!

80) [Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition]
Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude?
Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.
Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack. 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.

81) Joey: Hey, what if you found out that your mom wasn't actually your real mom, and your new mom turned out to be REALLY hot.

Chandler: But... it's your mom.

Joey: Nooo, not my mom, YOUR MOM.

82) Oh totally, I always picture your mom while Im having sex.

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